The pursuit of happiness(?) in Singapore

In Singapore, busy is our middle name. We rush from appointment to appointment, we cram as much activity as possible into our schedule each day, our children have more tuition and extra curriculum activities than they need and our students are learning more than they need. Why? Are there any side effect? How will it influence our future? Who is to blame?

Why?
Singaporeans are the epitomes of the concept of “Kiasu-ism”-. This mentality was probably born out of politics. Yes, politics, to be more specific, political-economic survival. Small, insecure Singapore had an uncertain future in the 1950s. We were small and undeveloped, at risk of being overwhelmed by communist fractions, ambitious individuals from the Malay Peninsula, Indonesia and Philippines. After the separation from Malaysia in 1965, Singapore decided that the only way to maintain our independence would be to be the best in everything we do. This mentality was hammered into the psyche of all Singaporeans- the concept of elitism was born.
This mentality has empowered the generation X (Gen X) [ii]. Unfortunately, most of the Gen X’s parents were unable to finance their children towards achieving university degrees and Gen X grew up in the hippy environment, so studying hard wasn’t foremost in their daily concerns. Most of Gen X left school for the workforce when they hit 20. As they progressed towards the 1980s, they realized their comparative lack of education had placed them at a comparative disadvantage to University graduates when it comes to promotional prospects. From then on, many resolved to make sure their children would score nothing but the best.

It can be seen that children born after the 1980s received greater education, attended a lot more tuition and “unnecessary” lessons in music and dance. Their parents never cease to drill in this concept into their head “if you don’t study hard, you’ll end up as a road sweeper”. High earning practices such as doctors and lawyers became the ideal jobs that all children were pressured to aim for. Academic achievement was tied to social prestige, moral integrity became less important. Children were taught to appreciate the value of the 5 Cs- Cash, Credit Card, Car & Condo.

Side Effects?
Having been deprived of greater achievements by a lack of education and money, Gen X had projected all their unfulfilled hopes and dreams on their children. In a bid to make them more competitive, Generation Y (Gen Y) [iii] is often referred to as the “Trophy Generation”, where no one loses and everyone gets a “Thanks for participating” trophy. This created an overambitious mindset where Gen Ys have idealistically huge expectations of the workplace. If anything, Gen Y is known for selling their souls to the organizations they work for. They are highly ambitious and greedy for feedback. Promotions are a must and they set very high (and often unrealistic) goals.

In order to ensure that their children have the financial means to enjoy life and enter university, both parents are normally working extremely hard. Children are raised by grandparents or foreign domestic workers. As a result, many of the Gen Y population have relatively detached sentimental ties to the concept of family. They place material achievement over social and familial ties. Interviews done with Gen Y Singaporeans have shown that material achievement is their primary source of happiness.

Coming from the Gen Y group, I’ve always found myself questioning this- Why am I studying so hard? Why am I working so hard? Am I doing this for myself (as I’ve been taught)? Am I happy?

I still don’t know if I’m happy or sad. I’m a high achiever but to what ends? I’ve been taught that money and promotions are all important. My parents want me to work in the corporate world, but I don’t. I prefer the academic life. My short stints in the corporate world taught me that I can survive there well enough but I’ll never be happy there.

Ultimately, after years of self-reflection, I came upon this conclusion- you should never do something because others tell you to. It is not academic achievement that matter, but personal satisfaction. People attach different meanings to their achievements.

I’ll put it this way, if your parents tell you to study law even if you don’t like it (maybe you prefer studying English Literature). You graduate from law school with flying colors, your parents are happy and you are happy you got a degree after four years of hard work. You find yourself working at a law firm, as your parents wished, but you hated practicing law. You are bored, you hate your clients and you hate your boss. Every day, you go home with an artificial smile for the sake of your parents. When they ask you how was your day at work, you smile and say good. Your parents would probably enjoy your prestige as a lawyer for another 30 years or so. You will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Who is the one who is miserable? YOU.
If your parents really loved you, they would understand your choice. To me, if they didn’t understand me, than they are breeding me for the sake of being a prized trophy, nothing more. Psychological research has pointed out that our parents want nothing but the best for us (nothing wrong with that), but their approach may be wrong. What they want may not be what we want and I’m sure they don’t want to see their child being miserable as a lawyer. Try as you may to hide you unhappiness, they are your parents, and they will feel your unhappiness sooner or later. By then, they would feel guilty for pushing you to do something you never liked to begin with. No one will be happy in the end. Tragic cycle isn’t it?

Interview any parent you want, and you’ll find that they only want their children to be happy and healthy. However, throughout the years, the message became misconstrued by the children. Love is not something most people recognize even when it is placed in front of them. Most children go through a phase of hating their parents for causing them so much stress. Some children feel so obliged to make their parents happy, even if it were to be at their own expense.

Our Future?
This made me question where is Singapore heading to? Singaporeans are experts at intellectual bulimia. Children in Primary One are attending tuition meant for Primary Three students, all in the name of academic excellence. Children have piano lessons, swimming lessons, ballet lessons, golf lessons, etc. All in the name of “friendly competition”- aka “my neighbour’s kids are having swimming and golf lessons, she said it will help them get into primary schools if they are good! AIyah, just enroll them in swimming and golf classes, hopefully they’ll be very good at it”. This Kiasu mentality is really gagging. As I read many of 13-15 year old kid’s blogs, it seems many of them choose to rebel against this upbringing. They cut school, they smoke, they spend money like water, they think $6 an hour is a good pay that they can live with for the rest of their lives, etc. They are just so SHELTERED by their parents!

I have met an undergraduate while working once. She was just so stupid, I seriously don’t know how she got to Uni. She couldn’t use a cheap calculator, she didn’t know how to use the phone, she couldn’t tell when her direct line was ringing or when all our phones are ringing together, she took naps very openly in the office when she had nothing to do (and drooled in an extremely unsightly manner) and she didn’t realize the printer was down despite me making countless calls to my manager complaining about the dysfunctional IT equipment. If this is the byproduct from years of tuition, extra classes and by an undergraduate no less, I can foresee a bleak future for us all. The bulk of the population is overworked, stressed, tired and frustrated, suddenly they realize material achievement is not everything they thought it to be like.

Who is to blame?
Is it our parents? Or the socio-political culture? Or is it a Chinese family problem? It is not that the non-Chinese do not recognize the value of education; it is just that they dun make it a make-or-break issue. The Chinese culture has been shaped by over one thousand years of meritocratic practices- academic achievement has been tied to social status. So I would place the blame squarely on the socio-political culture that shaped Gen X and Gen Y. Who said history was a dead and unimportant subject?

[i] It means they are afraid to lose out to others
[ii] Based loosely around the post baby boom till pre-1980s.
[iii] Based loosely around 1980-1988