1. Mosquitoes
We are never short of these infernal beasts. But it’s ok, treat each feeding session as a karma reaping session.2. NeWater
It’s always nice to know the water you drink might contain a little of your piss as well as everyone else’s.3. Raffles is our founder
That’s wrong, it’s Sang Nila Utama. I guess it’s because we can’t find a nice picture of Utama (a myth) to carve a likeness of him and place in front of our Victoria Theatre.4. Our national anthem is in Malay
Well, not many people know what the lyrics mean, but heck, we all know how to sing it.5. We have the highest execution rate per capita in the world! It’s ok when it is traded for the lowest crime rate in the world!
6. Our universities do not have an on-campus bar and they do not have enough hostel rooms for everyone. It’s ok, the cleaners are happy less people to scrap off the campus floor when they get drunk and barf everywhere.
7. Singaporeans cannot aim- the rubbish bins have rubbish everywhere but in them and the toilet bowl is cleanest inside the basin. No worries, we have an army of cleaners to maintain our “clean and green image”.
8. We train our smokers to be nice and considerate! We just ostracize them to the corner table at the koptidiam to be exposed to the sun and rain.
9. Alcohol and cigarettes are ridiculously expensive! No matter, under aged kids still smoke and drink anyway. They are affluent and devious enough. Isn’t that a sign of our thriving economy and first class education system?
10. We pay a lot of GST, service charge, road tax, parking fine, library fine, littering fine, spitting fine, etc. to the government so that they can pay the thousands of useless employees who mess up the bureaucracy more everyday and our extremely expensive ministers. Ah well, at least we can confidently say have one of the lowest income taxes in the world, so can’t complain.
11. Durians- some people love them, some people hate them. For the consideration for all, they are banned from entering all public transports. No worries, you can still eat them at the stalls! We have high-class sounding Durian sellers who call their shop "Durian Cafe".
12. Middle Age Crisis is very common among Singaporeans. They are typically serial nose pickers, quarrelsome, aggressive, naggy and extremely Kiasu. They spend half of their time being inconsiderate and the other half nagging at inconsiderate people around them. Aren't they such precious treasures?
13. Our ministers are among most highly paid politicians in the world! PM Lee Hsien Long makes 6x more than Obama (USD 400,000). It's nice to know that we are one of the least corrupted countries in the world too. We have a Corruption Perception Index of 9.2 and we rank 4th in the world, only because the top 3 countries- Demark, New Zealand and Sweden share the same 9.3 index! Taken from:http://theonlinecitizen.com/2009/04/pm-lee-tops-list-of-10-best-paid-world-politicians/ & http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corruption_Perceptions_Index
14. We still practice Judicial Caning! We are one of the few secular states that administer caning to social deviants. The cane is about 1.2m long and about half an inch thick. Many countries criticize us for violating the UN Convention Against Torture. Guess what? We didn't sign it and we have the lowest crime rates in the world!
15. Sarong party girls- many Singaporeans hate them because these girls only have eyes for caucasians. Don't worry though, our local men also know how to import "foreign talents", mainly from China and Vietnam to restore homeostasis.
16. We have a different meaning of racial harmony through tolerance. Tolerance stems from "don't talk about it at all and don't even be a kaypoh about other cultures and religions". Fair price to pay for the peace we get eh?
17. We are suspicious people. Why shouldn't we? Even charities are conspiring against us. First it was NKF, now it is Ren Ci. Good for Reverend Ming Yi who has 9 credit cards, bought and sold 6 private properties at a profit, bought and sold 3 BMWs, a pet horse and an expensive pet called Yeung who has a penchant for branded stuff and 3 supplementry cards from boss. I guess monks have to violate the "abstain from material wealth" code in order to be generously contribute to the economy. =) His self sacrifice will be appreciated by all the needy poor and doners who surely must realize he was doing it for the benefit of all in the long term.
18. We are a paternalistic society where dad/governement will make sure you behave very well. Even to the point of nailing a notice on your bedpost "NO ORAL OR ANAL SEX FOR HOMOSEXUAL PARTNERS". It is an attempt to maintain our image as a conservative society. There is always a lovely cane hanging within sight and the threat of being grounded or having your pocket money revoked hanging above you. So we should all BEHAVE; no wonder that we have the lowest crime rate in the world eh?
19. We are the only country in the world (to my knowledge) that actually banned the import and sale of chewing gum. Unfortunately, they relaxed that rule a little and allow pharmacists to sell certain gums that have health benefits. If they relax it a little more, we'll have a multitude of idiots stuffing gum into mailbox keyholes, lift buttons and pasting them under tables and chairs. Disgusting inbreeds.
20. We are a "fine" country. People like to criticize us for being a nanny state where spitting, toilet flushing and jaywalking are considered punishable offenses. All I can say is shut up. =D We are a lot more cleaner and safer than our critics.
21. Singapore don't give a hoot about international pressure- the LAW prevails. That's one thing I like about Singapore, we don't bow down to international pressure to remove our capital punishments like hanging and caning and fairly punish foreigners who violate our laws! E.g. the idiot Michael Fay who was so cocky of his immunity as a citizen of mighty America- he got caned anyway when found guilty of theft and vandalism. When he got burnt while abusing butane later in life, he had the cheek to blame the Singapore judicial system for emotional trauma. He was a kid with serious issues, we should have given him the full 12 strokes instead of 4, maybe he would have crawled out of prison a better person.
22. Based on estimates in the 2008 World Drug Report, published by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC), Singapore has one of the lowest prevalence of drug abuse. So we should execute all the drug traffickers regardless of nationality once they are caught in order to keep this up. In the sensationalized trial of Van Tuong Nguyen, Australia tried to pressurize Singapore into blocking the death penalty. We executed that criminal anyway. It's good that we treat criminals and criminals regardless of their background, reasons or nationality. They were apprehended in their attempts to cause harm and they will be punished for it.
23. We are a nation of common sense and reason. Unlike USA or Australia, we certainly didn't hold virgils or organize protests to burn the opposing countries' flags nor did we boycott their products in order to show our disfavor whenever our citizens are punished overseas for their wrong doing. When you're wrong, you are wrong, you should be punished.
24. Singaporeans make the worst hostages because the government won't contribute a single cent of ransom to save their citizens. I honestly like this because you won't encourage the terrorists or kidnappers. The means justify the end. That's why terrorists networks worldwide hate us and love American hostages.
25. We are a certificate country, no certs means no future. We can't have that now can we? So our students are the most obscenely hardworking bunch of monsters, bar the social deviants who drop out and make parasites out of themselves. Your future boss looks at your certificates before he looks at you.
26. We are one of the most realistic group of people in this world. We openly admit that being a construction worker is a terrible job, unlike our American counterparts who zealously call it a professional occupation. To us, it is a low skill labor that pays poorly, they just don't see that don't they? Every job is professional, it is how professional it is that matters.27. We are very ambitious people, we want the 6Cs- cash, credit cards, condominiums, cars and certificates. That's gooooood, it motivates us to work hard for what we want. It deters people from sitting at home and waiting for their monthly social security handouts.
28. We have the best propaganda machine in Asia- because almost everyone doesn't realize it exists! Ok, we know it exists, but most can't pinpoint where or what it is. A good example would be Social Studies! It has almost nothing to do with sociology but it has everything good about Singapore.
29. The Singapore government even regulates how you rear your pets. For those staying in HDBs, only toy dogs are allowed and apparently no private fish bonds outside your apartment either (apparently, you upset the weight per sq inch ratio). You are not allow to breed dogs for sale at home either! You need a license and a farm to do that.
30. We don't have strikes and protests every alternate day unlike Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, France, etc. This is because you need a PERMIT. Since no one can be bothered to think of a justifiable reason of holding a protest in order to apply for a permit, nor wait for the permit to be approved, no one has organized a successful protest so far. Thank goodness for that! We have a very stable economy because man hours are not wasted on pointless marchess requesting for more pay and holidays. In Singapore, you'll just get sacked. There are other people out there waiting for an opening...
31. We are a city of misers and workaholics. We hate to pay fines and neither do we relish holidays behind bars. So no one breaks the law just to attend a strike or protest because everything they hold dear is in jeopardy.
32. Our politicians have cat fights now and then. Classic example: MM Lee & SM Goh vs Mr Chee. MM Lee and SM Goh won not because the law was on their side, but because they makes more sense than Chee.
33. We are the only country with the post minister mentor. People insist that MM Lee refused to relinquish his political power. I think they are wrong- we can't drop him after all he has done! He has a lot of experience and he was the hand that shaped Singapore. His guidance has been proven to be the most sound leadership in SEA.
34. I fully agree with Kumar when he said this "(Every NDP)everytime the fireworks go, I cry. That's not because I'm patriotic, that's my income tax".
35. The Merlion will most likely sink head first if it tries to swim. If you look closely, it only has a claudal fin, it doesn't have a anal fin, dorsal fin, pectoral fin nor a pelvic fin. So it shouldn't be able to balance nor steer.
36. Singapore is an ungracious country. Smile at a stranger and they'll start to think there's something wrong with your head. No one bothers to ask you polite stuff like "how are you" or "how was your day". We don't have that culture.
37. Singaporeans have a penchant for queueing up! As long as there is a looooong queue, they'll queue up even if they don't know what its for. They are even to queue up overnight and over the weekend for free stuff or special discounts.
38. Singaporeans are unfriendly. They bitch a lot and they don't smile a greeting when they walk by you and the men don't open the door for the ladies at all.
39. Singaporeans always complain that the influx of foreign talent has been depriving them of jobs. Well, serve the Singaporeans right, they didn't want those jobs when times were good. Now that times are bad, they whine about it louder.
40. We're probably the only country that drills its people for all kinds of emergencies- war, fire, air raid, etc. Students and workers alike are timed and evaluated for their response level and efficiency.
41. Singaporeans are so crazy about food that they are willing to travel from one end of the island to the other just to eat their favorite dish. Some even go out for suppers way after midnight to satisfy their insatiable cravings.
42. Singaporeans depend on the government for everything. When they can't handle their children, they throw the problem to the government. When they can't get along with their neighbours, they scream for the government. When they have a major disagreement in an association like AWARE, they scream for the government.
43. We have a wierd way of drawing up our "maps". You might be staying in Paya Lebar, but you're under the Marine Parade Constituancy. Wierd...
44. Singapore has one of the worst script writers to me when it comes to serial dramas and "comedies". They are so embroiled with moralistic overtones that you can pretty much guess what will happen next.
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