The criminal mind

Well, we all know that some criminals are extremely smart, they get away with millions of dollars in embezzlement, loot, etc. These are normally white collared criminals who are educated and charismatic. What about the common people? The less educated and financially destitute who are just desperate to make some money through crime? Let me list 15 of the dumbest crime stories I've ever heard/read about.

1. Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
DM's comment: This is called bad planning. Really bad planning.

2. In December 1994, Winston Treadway took two live lobsters from a tank in a Boston, Massachusetts supermarket and stuffed them down his trousers. The lobsters fastened onto his manhood and refused to let go. Doctors reportedly said the result was "a do-it-yourself vasectomy" and told him he might never be a father.
DM's comment: Serves him right. To fellow Singaporeans, please do not try to stuff crabs from Seng Siong down your pants or bras. It's not healthy nor safe.

3. Klaus Schmidt, 41, burst into a Berlin bank in August 1995, waved a pistol, and screamed "Hand over the money!" When staff asked if he wanted a bag, he replied "Damn right it's a real gun!" Guessing Schmidt was deaf, the manager set off the alarm, saying later, "It was ridiculously loud, but he didn't seem to notice."

After five minutes punctuated by Schmidt occasionally shouting "I am a trained killer!" police arrived and arrested him. Schmidt then sued the bank, accusing them of exploiting his disability.
DM's comment: This is so cute, a deaf robber who can't even hear the alarm nor guess that people are no longer afraid of his "gun".

4. Joyce Lebrom fainted at a supermarket checkout counter in Berne, Switzerland, in September 1991. Staff thought she'd had a heart attack, but when paramedics arrived they found a stolen chicken stuffed down her bra. The cold from the chicken had caused her to pass out. After recovering in the hospital she was charged with theft.
DM's comment: Is the chicken a spring chicken or a kampung chicken? If its the former, she would need one heck of a huge bra to stuff that fella into. Besides, wouldn't one of her "tits" look morbidly bigger than the other???

5. Purse snatcher Daniel Pouchin ended up in the hospital when he tried to rob two women in a street in Nice, France, in August 1993. The victims were "burly" transvestites who beat him up and left him with broken ribs.
DM's comment: I have a soft spot for trannies, they are so useful at crime prevention. After this, I would say, never judge a "woman" from the back view. I still can't stop laughing when I think of Abigail Chay turning around to stare at the wolf whistling men around her and saying "mei you kan guo mei nu ah??"

6.A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . .
DM's comment: People do a lot of stupid things and have to bury their embarrasssment when they are reduced to calling the authorities for help. Reminds me of how a few guys around this world who had to call an ambulance when their "little brothers" got stuck in bottles during masturbation.

7. Travion Davis, 19, suspected that Los Angeles police would recognize his distinctive clothing if he robbed a bank. So he stripped naked before his July 1993 raid, and made off with $15,000 in two shopping bags. Not surprisingly, the sight of a naked man running down back alleys with bags stuffed full of cash was distinctive enough to attract the attention of sheriff's deputies, who pursued him over several fences before grabbing him (by what we're not told) and taking him into custody.
DM's comment: Wouldn't it occur to most people that you might be attracting more attention naked than dressed?

8. Mugging people in one of the UK's most popular jogging locations is asking for trouble. Experienced marathon runner Glyn Roberts came to the aid of a victim on Hampstead Heath in north London and gave chase - for two miles. The bewildered mugger eventually fell to his knees and begged for mercy. He didn't get it.
DM's comment: This is called "lack of foresight".

9. Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck -- so they abandoned it.
DM's comment: I have no idea why they had to put the fridge back into the house... Very considerate but not very efficient of them.

10. In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
DM's comment: I guess he got a little too excited and forgot himself.

11. Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
DM's comment: This is what I call a "Freudian Slip".

12. A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
DM's comment: If he was going to man the counter for 3 hours for a little more money, he should have gotten a proper job right?

13. A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
DM's comment: This guy's CBA (cost benefit analysis) sucks, he will never make it as a financial investor.

14. Not long ago a man from Grand Forks North Dakota traveled to Fargo North Dakota to rob Community First Bank. He scribbled his ransom note and gave it to the teller. The quickly gave him the money and watched him run out the door. Attempts to search the surrounding area were unsuccessful. Upon review of the ransom note it was revealed that the man wrote the ransom note on his personal bank deposit note. Police traveled to the man’s home to arrest him.
DM's comment: Next time, please note which "scrap" of paper did you grab.

15. Sacramento, California, December 1995: Burglar Brett Woolley, 25, had a stereo and other items from the home he'd broken into, lined up by the front door and all ready to go. He was then struck with the desire to take a bubble bath. He fell asleep in the tub, the owner returned, and the police were called to wake Woolley.
DM's comment: If you have issues controlling your impulses, never be a burglar, you might end up cooking a full meal and cleaning up your victim's house as well.

Taken from:
http://www.caderbooks.com/exstupid.html
http://funnystufflol.tripod.com/id41.htm
http://www.tiscali.co.uk/news/stupid-criminals.html
http://www.freemaninstitute.com/hall_of_shame.htm